I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
