I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
