do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
