I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
