I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
