I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Randomize
