who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I have already put on my inside pants.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
