Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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