At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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