did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
