I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
