Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
