and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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