When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Randomize
