if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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