The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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