Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
