i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
