so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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