just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
