Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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