my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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