Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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