Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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