why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
