I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
