Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
