we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
