Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
