My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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