the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
