Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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