I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
