call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
