i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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