Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
