OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
