Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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