the condom got lost in my hair
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I want a musical about memes.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
