He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
