I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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