I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I can't turn off my feet"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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