ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
