Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
