the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
