That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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