What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
