She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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