I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
This couple is walking their pig around campus
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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