Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
whose parrot is this?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
