Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
