I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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