I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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