I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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